More than a decade later, I came across Know My Name by Chanel Miller, her own account of the incident.

The world has moved on, but I remember reading about the case for the first time, shocked by its brutality. How could a man, a human being, assault an unconscious body and feign innocence? At the time, Chanel felt like just another unlucky woman, one of countless others assaulted every day.

Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life

These stories are everywhere, yet we never think they could happen to us. The victims feel distant, like one-dimensional figures, not women who could be me or you. We ruminate over them for a while, and then life goes on. Hearing these stories so often has numbed me. I know I’m not alone. Many women are equally desensitized and have learned to live by unspoken rules to stay safe.

Carry pepper spray. Buy a keychain with a panic button that screams for help when you can’t. Always share your live location with someone. Never come home alone late at night. And if you can, have a male friend with you because only then will other men understand you’re not public property. If that’s not an option, pretend to be on a call, mention your location, just so the driver knows someone is tracking you.

The saddest things about these cases, beyond the crimes themselves, are the degrading things the victim begins to believe about her being.

In her memoir, Chanel writes about how she had to prove her innocence, forced to relive her trauma as the world questioned her. Victim-blaming is so ingrained in us that it feels natural. Women are criticized for drinking, for their clothes, for their route home, for staying out too late.

A drunk woman is reckless. A drunk man? Just a guy having a good time.

Chanel, who once seemed like just another name in a news story, suddenly became real, her pain and resilience undeniable. Some have never gotten a chance to tell their story. Her words don’t just recount events; they ask the right questions, give voice to the unspoken, and echo the thoughts so many of us have unanimously carried in silence. Reading her story, I felt a great deal of anger and sadness.

If this piece resonated with you, let’s keep the conversation going. I share more thoughts, reflections, and important book discussions on my Instagram. Follow me on @book_infernosgarden to continue exploring new books.